Ok.. so its friday again and that means I have had another therapy session.. Today was a very hard one as almost straight away Jane asked me if we could talk about one of my poems in my book! I wasn't to sure but agreed to give it a go.. its about time I did some real talking with her after all thats what I am there for.. The poem she had picked was called..' That day in Eastbourne' its about the final time that Don actually raped me before I left home for good.. she asked me to try and explain what had happened that day and I told her that I had been ill in bed with the flu.. it was about 28th February 1976... I woke up that morning to find him already there, I'm not sure if he'd been there all night or had arrived early that day, (this was during one of those times when he was back and forward to his wife) anyways.. I saw him there and went to have a bath once I'd woken up a bit, still feeling pretty rotten, whilst I was in there mum called out to me that she was popping out to get some shopping.. I knew that meant that unless he went as well I'd be on my own with him until she returned.. I didn't relish that Idea but didn't have a choice.. anyways I came out of the bathroom in my towel to grab some clothes and he started making comeents at me, like 'you look cute in that!' what do you look like underneath?' comments that made me feel sick to my stomach.. I eventually came out of the bathroom and he started making comments again.. I said 'I don't feel to good, so think I will lie down and try to sleep' I went off to bed.. within minutes he came in and stripped off his clothes, climbing into bed with me. I asked him to leave me alone, I was ill.. and his reply was 'this will make you feel better, sweat the cold out of you!' before I knew what was happening I felt the pressure of him against me, he was pulling off my clothes and I could do nothing to stop him.. I felt his penis pushing up against my leg and then he grabbed my legs and spread them open.. then he climbed over on top of me........ I felt the pressure as he tried to force his way in....... I was terrified, scared, crying and asking him to stop.. all he did was say 'be quiet! we need to be quick before your mum gets back'... I cried and cried but he still carried on... he forced his penis into me and said 'you should be used to this by now and be able to enjoy it!'................. after what felt like hours and hours he finally got off me and went to the bathroom.. I was still crying when he came out and he told me to go and get tidied up, mum would be back soon..
I went into the bathroom, this time taking all my clothes with me, I scrubbed myself so hard that I was sore for days .. when I came out I told him I was going for a walk, I needed time alone to think about what I could do, I was determined this wouldn't happen again... I planned to get out of there as soon as I could.. I went back home at tea time and refused to talk to him at all, I just said I wasn't well and went straight to bed..as luck would have it, whilst mum had been out she had called my sister in london and decided to go and visist her for her birthday on march 1st.. I saw this as my opportunity to get away... we travelled up the next morning to see her and were meant to be staying overnight.. but my sister lived with her in-laws and didn't have room for us all, so Mum said she and him would find a b&b and stay there returning to us in the morning.. anyways they couldn't find anywhere so went back home to Eastbourne.. they called us in the morning and told me to get the train back later that day.. initially I said I would but when the time came for me to leave I started to get very upset, my sister sensed something was wrong and asked me, I told her I didn't want to go back there as he was doing things I didn't like.. she looked at me with tears falling and said 'yes I understand me to!' she then went to talk to her mother in law and it was agreed I couldstay with them......
I'll write more later...