Saturday afternoon, and I spent all day yesterday helping my sister.. she has broken her back after a fall at home and is bed ridden for the forseeable future.. it's so hard to see her like that knowing that part of the problem is because of what he did to her as a child. She had an old back injury that made her spine week and fragile hence when she fell it broke. The old injury was caused because of him throwing her down the stairs when she was a child and dared to disobey him!.. how callous can one person be?

During the day yesterday we talked at length about our childhood, how things were at home and how our mum had reacted to me telling her what he'd done to me! Mum's reaction was kinda what I expected it to be, she was very upset and disgusted, she appeared to have no idea at all about the sexual abuse I'd suffered and when she found out about my sister the reaction was pretty much the same. But! I know now that she must have had an idea because in one incident that I can clearly recall now she was downstairs? My feelings towards my Mother now are so confused that I can't describe how I truely feel.. one minute I love her and the next I hate her for allowing him to treat us the way he did.. my sister has no idea that mum was home on that one occassion that I can recall.. she appears to have made her peace with mum and forgiven her everything, but I can't do that.. to tell my sister would shatter her illusions that Mum didn't know! and with her being so sick right now I just can't do that to her!.

She asked me yesterday why I'd finally told Mum what had happened and I explained to her that it was because Mum had just told me that he had 'raped her' the evening before when they had gone to visit my other sisters down by the coast.. she asked me how mum reacted when she learned that we had gone to the police and I told her that she was very supportive of me, taking my son for the day when the police came to get a statement from me.. we talked about all sorts yesterday, more of which I will write in here later as I'm still trying to work some of it out in my head...

Will write again soon!!