This space will detail as much as I can about my survival. I have gotten through many things in my life so far including Childhood Abuse, being Abused as an adult and much more..
Here I will try to tell my story from as far back as I can remember, I may or may not go into detail it depends on what space I'm in at the time of writing it, but now at 47yr old I am having a lot of memories coming forward, regressed memories of my childhood and things that happened to myself and my siblings.. I am now in a position to try and deal with what happened to me all those years ago and this is my way of getting the feelings out. The feeling of a childhood living in fear of HIM coming home, the feelings of terror at mealtimes as I grew to know what to expect from him, my feeling of self hate, beleiving that I was a bad child and deserved nothing better from life.. the fear of a child growing up in an abusive home where by the age of 14yr He had begun to abuse me sexually as well as physically and emotionally and NO ONE noticed? How I tried to tell teachers at school what was going on, how NO ONE listened to me or my siblings, how my Sister told the POLICE and still they beleaved HIM over us! This is not going to be an easy thing for me to write, but over the next few months I will do what I can each day.

Starting today Thursday September 7th 2006.. I'll begin..

Most of what I can remember started when I was about 5yr old, when my parents separated and mum left myself and my siblings in Scotland with our father and moved to England. We were to follow a few months later once she was settled in a new home. In November 1964 I was told that at last I was going to join Mumand my two older sisters in England,They had moved down a month before us, we (my sister and brother and myself) were put on a plane by Social Services and met at Gatwick Airport by Mum and her friend.
I remember the plane journey, I was sick all the way, whether it was from exitement or the fact of flying for the first time I do not know but I recall being sick and feeling awful all the way there. Mum told us that this man was her new Boyfriend, his name was Don! He'd given her a lift to collect us and take us to our new home in Sussex. All the way there in his car I was sick, with my head hanging out of the window as he didn't want me being sick in the car and refused to stop, he was constantly shouting at me not to make a mess or I'd have to clean it up! I was 5years old.. the journey took just over two hours!
I seemed to know straight away that this man was not going to be easy to have around, he wasn't very welcoming, here we were three young children just taken away from our father and the only culture We'd ever known to be placed in this strange town with people who didn't understand what we were saying, they didn't even try! all of us were put in the same class at school as even the teachers couldn't understand us... Don became an almost permenant fixture in our house when he wasn't going back to his own family and childen.. when he was at ours he was very strict if we did anything wrong he's often punish us severely using sticks, slippers and even his belt to hit us with. Mealtimes where a particular torture for me I was a slow eater and he didn't like it at all, he decided that I needed to learn how to eat properly so every mealtime as soon as he'd finished his he would start shouting at me 'to eat up'! If I didn't finish eating in the time he'd set he would force feed me, holding my nose closed so that I had to open my mouth to breath and when I did he would force a forkful of food in, I didnt dare gag or start to choke as he would then lash out and hit me making me cry and that just made things worse.. after a few months of that I realised that no matter what I did I couldn't please this man, he was always angry at one of us for some reason or other...
Mealtimes became a torture and I would often misbehave in other ways to try and be sent to bed without dinner as that was less painful, I'd rather be hungry than be force fed by him.. my siblings would always try to bring me something even if it was only a slice of bread and butter anything was better than his punishments at the table. I remember one day in particular, I was about 6yr old, when I guess he'd had a bad day at work, he came home in a foul mood and because we hadn't finished our set chores he got angry at us all, he made us all sit on the sofa and one by one questioned us as to who had been meant to do what job that day, mine had been to clear the fire grate and I hadn't finished it when he got back, that meant a beating, in front of everyone else including my younger brother. I was made to remove my underwear and bend over his knee where he hit me about six times with his belt buckle end, to teach me that chores came first... but like any child I didn't learn that way! he ruled the house with an iron rod..By the time I was about 6yr old Mum had adapted to his way of punishement, she would also hit us with a slipper or bamboo cane if we misbehaved or got home after the curfew time of 7pm.. She had been force feeding me for quite a long time beleaving his idea's worked. She was easily influenced by him and I now beleive she was actually scared of him, doing everything he suggested as if it was the norm!.
It took a long time for me to realise that not all children were treated like this at home, some were actually loved by their parents and shown that love, but not in my household as I found out what life was really like at a very early age.. One of my older sisters was constantly ill, mum was always calling out the doctor to her in the middle of the night as she was doubled up screaming in pain in her tummy, the doctors would always say she was constipated but now I know it was because he was abusing her sexually by the time she was 8yr old! This man was a nightmare for any child to have around, a phaedophile as I now know!

I will write more another day and tell this space the sort of things he would do and say to us as we grew up... Four young girls and our younger Brother lived a life of fear from him and he made sure we knew who was the boss!!