When I was here yesterday I said I would try to carry on where I left off! so I guess I should give it a go, its not easy writing details of an abusive incident and frequently can trigger so I will be as detailed as I can looking after myself at the same time. I'm going to try and talk to my therapist about this tomorrow so this may just help me.

Anyways, as I said the neighbour forced his way into my room, pushing me aside like I was nothing, then he closed the door... thoughts running through my head at the time were fear, terror, what does he want? what is he going to do? I was soon to find out. He grabbed me from behind and pushed me onto the bed, as I tried to get up and get away he came beside me and told me to stay there, if I tried to get away I would get hurt! He started tearing off my clothes and then removed his trousers.. by this time it was clear to me what he was going to do! 'rape me!' I was very scared and worried about how this would happen and tried to divert my mind away from what was happening.. he grabbed me by my hair, which was rather long (waist length) and pulled my head up to his groin.. he told me to stay calm and I would be ok.. don't want to say what happened next but no doubt anyone reading can guess... then he grabbed me by my throat and forced me to lie down again.. as he grabbed at me he raped me... I was terrified wondering if I would get away alive... after what seemed like an eternity he got up and put his trousers back on... as he went to leave he told me 'Stay where you are I will be back!' Don't tell anyone or I will come and find you!... I was to scared to move, I'd had threats like that made to me as a child and beleived him!.. I sat there covered in a blanket and cried in the corner convinced that I had to keep quiet else he'd be back!.. after about an hour or so had passed I knew I needed help, I didn't want to tell anyone what had happened but I knew I needed someone with me. I called my fiance at work and although he couldn't come over he sent his friend and him and his girlfriend were with me within an hour. I told them I'd been assaulted but not who by, they stayed with me overnight and when the morning came I called my sister who lived a few miles away.. I moved out of that flat that day and stayed with my sister and her husband and daughter until My flat was ready, days before my wedding day. My fiance was in the Army so we were allocated a quarter on camp but couldn't move in until two days before the wedding...
My sister guessed what had happened, to this day I have still never confirmed or denied it to her, she was brilliant and very supportive towards me, she understood how I felt and helped me distract my mind by concentrating on wedding arrangements and such..
I will write more another day.... to upset now!