After watching that film yesterday I realised more than ever that my home life as a child was not good, In the film there were 18 children and although the father was strict (he'd have to be with that many) he was also fair, he did say that occassionally he would smack bottoms but very rarely.. in my house however someone was being hit/beaten every single day. Just for saying the wrong thing at the wrong time got you a beating. It made me wonder more about what it would have been like if as a child I had had love and care?
Living with that man who I so desperately want to name on here, was a living hell! everyday we wondered who's turn it was to be beaten by him, or intimidated.. when he decided we needed to be punished for anything it didn't matter if anyone was there, he would make us all regardless of age, remove our underwear and bend over his knee to be hit by either his hand, belt (buckle end) or even a garden cane.. he would count out the strikes... one ... two... three... four... five... six.. that was the minimum we would get, but it could be up to twelve if he considered that we deserved it. Mum wasn't much better even when he wasn't there she would still hit us with a belt or cane, occassionally using her slipper.. it hurt just as much either way and I vowed I'd never hit my kids like that when I grew up.. and I never did, they had the rare smack on the back of the leg or bottom as they grew up but mild, never leaving marks or scars like my siblings and I carry on into life.
When he hit any one of us the rest had to sit on the sofa and watch, that was horrible, if we dared to try and turn away he would then hit us as well, so we had to look! it was torture... but he was a sadistical man enjoying seeing others especially childen in pain.
I clearly remember an incident one summer, we had been out somewhere for the afternoon and on the drive home someone cut him up on the road, rather than just let it go he chased after this car, down long country winding roads and hills.. eventually we rounded a corner, Mum was in the front of the car and was begging him to slow down but he wouldn't, his comments were 'no one does that to me, I'm going to get him'! anyways as we turned this corner the car was parked by the side of the road with no one in it.. He screamed and shouted as he got out of the car, 'come here you coward! I want word with you!'.. anyway the driver was no where to be seen so he got a hammer out of the boot of our car and he proceeded to smash every window and light on the other vehicle.. within a few minutes the police arrived and started talking to him, he got very aggressive with them as well and was taken off in the police car, we knew this meant he would be in a bad mood when he got back home so mum sent us all to bed early to be out of his way.. and prevent us getting the brunt of his anger. But Mum suffered instead, we heard him getting back about 6pm and immediately he started shouting at her, saying she was useless and should have backed him up with the police, she said she couldn't as they had witnesses that he had smashed the windows, the driver of the other car had been hiding in the bushes and seen it all happen as had other people nearby!.. We all stayed in our rooms away from him hoping that he would have calmed down by the morning. I don't remember what happened to Mum that night, whether he hit her or not... I don't remember yet! but maybe one day I will.. as new memories are coming forward all the time for me right now...

Will write again soon..