Another day spent with my sister, today has been a particularly harrowing one as we talked, really talked about our childhood and some of the stuff that we both endured at that man's hands.

My sister so desperately wants me to name him here, but I have told her the time isn't right for me yet! she seems to understand that and has accepted that I will name him in full when I am ready. Meanwhile as I try to talk to her about our childhood she reminds me of different events almost everytime, comments like 'do you remember the time when?' and then she goes on to ask me if I remember Mark? He was the guy who worked for the bakers that I mentioned the other day, a nice guy who always treated us with respect and care, then she asked me if I remember Ron! yes I do, again he always treated us fairly but again he didn't last...

My sister told me today that in her opinion Mum accepted the way we were treated by Don, purely because she needed a man around who could bring a little more cash into the house! It wasn't easy for her back then, with 5 children and no social security she had to work long hours just to put food on the table for us and clothes on our backs.. I can't say that I honestly remember ever having new clothes for myself, I being the smallest always got the hand me downs from my sisters all I had new were my underwear and socks.. but that wouldn't have mattered had the rest been happy!

Today we both ended up crying in each others arms as she told me that she had made peace with our mum just before she died, I had to admit that I didn't do that, because of the memories I now have I'm not sure quite how I feel towards my mother! My sister told me that when Mum finally left that idiot back in 1988 she was not a well woman, this I knew as she had stayed with me and my family for three months until she found her own place and a new man! In july 1989 she had triple by pass surgery and unfortunately died the day after, before she died she knew that we were awaiting our court case against Don! but on her death bed she looked my sister in the eye and said she was sorry..... I asked my sister what she was sorry for and she told me that she thought it was because of what we had endured in our childhood? But my sister didn't know that I now know one time at least when Mum was downstairs in the house when he raped me! so I told her... she admitted to me that she also beleived the same thing had happened to her, mum had been home at least once when he had raped her, we cried as I asked her why Mum let it happen? why didn't she stop him? she must have known what he was doing, she must have heard my cries? I will never understand how a mother can ignore that! How???

In a comment on this blog today someone asked me if this man was suffering a mental Illness? or was he just evil? I guess it was a bit of both, because I can't beleive anyone in their right mind could treat someones children like that and think it was ok!.. I have cried many tears yet again today as we talked and talked about what we experienced, my sister knows all about this blog and is happy for me to mention her in here as well as myself.. If you could only see her arms, complete with the scars from many years of self harming maybe just maybe you'd all understand what this sort of thing does to the children. Who in turn become the adults of tomorrow.. what are we as a society doing to stop this from happening to children in our neighbourhood today? I'll tell you ... NOTHING!..

Just a few months ago a child came to me and said his step father was beating him up, this was backed up by his step sister who I also spoke to, the responce of the police? take him home to endure more abuse! even today in this enlightened society we are not listening to the children does it take a child to die before anyone listens! when it is to late for them to be saved? Still the children cry out for help and still no one hears them.
As I mentioned in a reply on another blog, I will be in London on October 21st taking part in a Rally/March to raise awareness about Child Abuse, we are hoping for a good turn out on the day so if your in the area come along, we'd like this years march to be the best ever, and intend to take a massive petition to Downing Street afterwards.. This government need to realise as does society the sort of damage this does to the children, they need to stop paying massive salaries to the top dogs in the NHS and start funding services for survivors of this crime...

I will continue on from this mornings blog and say what happened next, in tomorrows writings... see you then!