Emotions running very high today.. after the problems of the last few days with intuders at both my sisters house and mine, I felt sure things couldn't get any worse.. but I was wrong again!

Last night my sister called me at 10pm.. her new key safe had been broken into again and once more her keys were gone? I told her to call the police again which she did.. initially they said they may be able to get to her about midnight else it would be today! I told her to call them back and say she heard someone outside again.. If the person doing this has keys they can enter her property whenever they want to? The police arrived eventually and by that time both the keys were in the key safe? The police beleive who ever it is had taken them and copied them hoping no one would notice.. But! how did they know the code? it was changed the night before after the intruder got in? the locks were also changed? Its very frightening as I know my sister is very vunerable right now with her broken back... We both beleive there is a connection here somehow to our step father.. the one we sent to prison for abusing us as children but unless we can prove it there is nothing we can do except keep changing the locks which can get very expensive...

The emotions are running high, I have felt so anxious these past few days that I'm unable to consentrate on anything, I'm not eating well, smoking far to much and generally feeling like I really can't cope anymore.. I wanted to go to my sister last night again but she told me to stay home to make sure I was safe... we are both terrified at the moment as we can't be certain who it is doing this or why.. With regards to my own problems here the police don't beleive me! I got that impression the other day when I had to call them out... it was as if they were thinking I'd imagined it.. as if!

I now feel a bit like prisoner in my own home, whenever I am here alone or its dark outside all the doors and windows are locked and the safety chain put on.. I don't feel safe when I go out anymore.. cetain that someone is trying to do me harm? is this my imagination or is it real? am I becoming Paranoid about everything? Is this a stage of my healing that I need to go through? With two step fathers out there that abused me am I right to be scared, it could be either one of them, but it could also be an opportunist burglar... I don't know what to think anymore.. Memories of my old neighbour breaking in, come into head everytime I hear a noise at night, panic attacks have set in, something I'd not really had before this... and I have no idea what I can do about it... I know there is no point in panicking but what else can I do when I do not know who this is, or why they are doing these things..

Triggers start and I begin to shake uncontrollably, the tears fall and I am unable to protect myself or my son.. I have started sleeping with a metal bar beside my bed for protection... not that I'd be able to use it if I needed to, I feel I'd most likely freeze up... but I hope I wouldn't..
I'm scared and don't know what I can do to ease the fright that I feel at this time.. its like everything is fresh in my head once again... I'm being tortured.. intimidated.... frightened... and for what? what does this person hope to acheive? I wish I knew...

How do I get the police to beleive there is a real problem here? because my sister lives some 13 miles away the local police to me will not accept that there could be a connection.. yet we had the same step father, we have the same family... How do I open their eyes? to the possibility of the danger? I used to have a great deal of respect for the police but slowly that is ebbing away as I feel so alone in dealing with this...

Sorry this blog is such a moan, most likely anyone in a similar situation, not just a survivor would feel the fear that I now feel.. so am I being Paraniod because of the past? Is my paranoia heightened because of my history.. am I more sensitive because of it all... I really don't know anymore!