An hour ago I started writing this piece and as I went to send it lost connection, so I thought I would come back and try once more.

Sitting here at home alone again, and my mind starts to wonder, I wonder why I feel that my Abuse was so bad when I know many others who had it much worse than me!
In the support group that I belong to on line there are stories of Abuse that would make most people recoil with revultion.. but I know they are true stories.. Some people have been abused from as young as 2yrs old! Why is that?

It's quite simple really, its because no matter where you live in this world the Governments and ruling powers do not do enough to stop it happening.

Early last year I started trying to come to terms with what had happened to me during my life so far! I joined on line Support Groups for Abuse Survivors and began to write poetry as my way of getting the pain out..Most of the poems where about things that I myself had endured or seen as I grew up, but one thing was very clear to me in these groups, and that is the amount of people who have suffered worse than I did! I'm not saying my own Abuse wasn't bad, quite the opposite but some others are Horrendous.. this is because a paedophile will continue to Abuse Children for as long as they can get away with it, my siblings and I suffered some 11 years and no one took any action to stop it even though we tried very hard to tell people what was going on!

Many Abuse victims become Self Harmers because of the trauma caused by this crime, they turn the hurt on themselves, and many take knives etc to cut themselves, they tell me that this is because they feel, when they see the blood that they are in fact letting out all the evil and dirt from what happened.. My Sister did this and her arms today have the scars to constantly remind her of that time in her life.. I wrote some poems about it last year which I will put here.

The first one is called;

'MY SISTER'

Her face contorted full of pain,
The moment I mentioned his dreaded name.
The tears began to freely flow,
She looked at me, and said 'you know'!
She hasn't spoke of him for years,
Sitting there still living in fear.
She can not cope with his name being said,
Begged me to change the subject instead.
Her friend looked at me and said 'you know'
The scars on her arms clearly show.
If I continue talking this way,
She'll be back cutting later today.
But I tried to tell her she needs to deal,
To end this pain she always feels.
If she could only talk to me,
We could help each other now I see.
But she can't do it I'm on my own,
Can't even talk to her on the phone.
Her mental state is down to her past,
The pain she still feels is going to last.
Until she can see her way out,
There is no way she's going to shout.
So with her he wins, another fight,
He's still in control with all his might.

A year later however, she is now able to talk about some of the past without getting quite so upset by it, she has realised just where the blame belongs! truely and squarely with HIM! I wrote another one on SELF HARMING.. which was basically me trying to understand why some people resort to this . It is a well known fact that mainly females who have been abused turn their anger on themselves. Where as many claim that male survivors become abusers. The excuse some paedophiles use to escape prison sentences for abusing children is that they to were abused! I'm sorry but so was I and I would NEVER Abuse another human being because I know from my experiences just how painful it is for the victim! In my mind that is just a feable excuse used by paedophiles to escape prison, its time we stopped listening to that else it will continue on and on forever.. My Brother was Abused also, physically and mentally but he didn't turn out to Abuse others, in fact he is one of the kindest hearted men I know today..

'SELF HARMING'

They need someone to listen to what they say,
Why! oh why!, does it have to be this way?
Taking to many pills, or cutting up bad,
Why now, are so many people, so sad?
Not much has changed, since this time last week,
For all of us here, the secrets we no longer keep.
The pain and the sorrow, we ALL feel each day,
Has to get better, there are other ways!
Learn to talk, release your fears,
I can't guarantee, it won't fall on deaf ears!
But, if you don't try, you'll never know,
The happiness in your future, doesn't show.
I can't tell you, everything will be good,
You know that, well, at least you should.
But your actions hurt, the ones who care!
Your not moving forward, your going nowhere.
So, please think really hard, before you act!
Come on now! with me, make a pact?
NO MORE CUTTING OR TAKING OF PILLS,
Can't do it for you! it has to be your will.

So until the ruling powers that be change the punishments for the perpetrators of this horrendous crime, there will be several children RIGHT NOW experiencing this behind closed doors all over the world! How many thousands of people have to be damaged in this way before they act? How many others have to live with suicidal thougths because they can't cope with the pain any longer? It beggers beleif that in this day and age this still goes on! and will go on for as long as they get away with it!