When I left home at the age of sixteen and a half I was determined that I would never be used or abused by anyone ever again! But I was also very niave, not really knowing what the world was like and how horrible people can really be to one another. As I said in a previous blog, initially I went to stay with my sister and her husbands family in London, I had told my sister a little of what was happening and she was happy to help me thank God! if she hadn't it would have meant that I'd have returned home that day and god only knows what he would have done to me, or for how long?

In time I did get a job and place of my own, a room in a family house initially.. an Italian family who were the first people outside my own family who showed me any care at all.. They used to bring me up food when they realised that I was skint, and were always so friendly towards me that I never wanted to leave, but in time I knew I had to move on and took on a shared flat with a friend..

My Abuse I thought was over then but as other blogs state it wasn't! I was raped by a neighbour in the flats where I was living at the age of 19 yrs, just weeks before I was due to be married, that turned out to be a disaster, the only good thing to come from it was my two children.. the youngest of the two is 18 soon and his father has said he can't attend his birthday because he can't afford it! the reason, he has just spent some £3000 on his new wifes son for a lock up garage for his motorbike! he cares nothing for his own son, gives him nothing but can spend that sort of cash on her son! where is the fairness in that? My son is naturally upset by this as his father spent hundreds on his sisters 18th, didn't question it at all.. but for his only son he refuses to spend the money to come and stay in a small B&B for the weekend to celebrate with us... I don't want him in my house naturally, but the cost of a B&B is only about £40 for the night and he can't spare that? he seriously has all his priorities wrong here I beleive..
Anyways, even after us being divorced for some 8 yrs now he still tries to control what we can do as a family, he earns good money but pays just £56 a week child support, that is hardly fair when he is earning something like £1,600 a month! but still claims to be broke.. because he spends it on this new family he has taken on..

But back to where I was headed with this blog! My abuse I thought was over continued throughout my marriage and beyond.. during my marriage I suffered another incident shortly after my Mother died, after she had left Don.. the first step father to abuse me... she hooked up with another guy in London.. he seemed to really care for her and for the first time in a very long time she appeared happy... they used to come and visit us every week and stay for the evening and dinner before going home, they married in 1990 in the March/April.. and were happy for a few months before my Mum had to go into hospital for tripple by pass surgery.. this man was a Jahovah Witness and because of that don't beleive in having blood transfusions for any reason.. so before the surgery took place mum donated some of her own blood for use during the operation... she had the surgery in the July of that year but because she wasn't allowed blood, she unfortunately died from kidney failure and a massive heart attack the day after the operation.. I didn't get to see her until after she was dead.. I had had phone calls from my sister, well my husband had, all through the night, I was asleep and he didn't want to wake me, when the call came again at about 7am I had to try and get hold of my other sisters to tell them to come to the hospital as soon as possible, I had to use the local police to get messages to them as they didn't have home telephones back then.. anyway by the time we got there mum had died, My sister and her newest husband were standing outside as we arrived, tears running down their faces I knew I was to late.. mum was gone!

Anyways, as I said my Abuse still wasn't over, this husband appeared devastated by the loss of my mum, and by the march of the following year was telling my husband that he needed to get away for a while, he had no idea where to go or what to do, during conversation it was suggested that cyprus may be a good idea as they speak english there and he would be understood easily, they also drive on the left like we do at home so he would be ok.. anyways to cut a long story short, He asked if I could go with him if he paid my fares! My husband surprisingly agreed and it was all arranged that we would go for ten days in the April...

What happened on that break made me realise that you just can't trust anyone, especially men! I was a pawn in a very nasty life, placed on this earth to be used and abused by whoever feels like it...

I will write another day exactly what happened as I just can't do it now!...