Sunday Night..

Just one question in my head today and that is 'How do you deal with someone who puts you on a pedastal?'

How can you make them realise that you are just human and nothing special? That you do things wrong and make wrong decisions in life as much as the next person?

You see I have someone like that in my life right now, and no matter what I do they never seem to see the mistakes I make, never accept that I get it wrong sometimes.. I'm not perfect and have never claimed to be so, but I just can't cope with this at the moment.. this person has even copied some of my writings in the past, where I have written a poem for instance they seem to write one on a similar subject within days.. It's like they want to be me!

Well feel free mate! take my life, my pain and my confusion and have it all as your own, but don't expect me to be there to pick up the pieces when you can't cope with it all.. your welcome to it, heartache as well.. nightmares and flashbacks as well... I would do almost anything to have them gone from my consious mind and sub consious... I really don't know how to cope with this right now as I am struggling enough to understand what is going on in my head every night... I would welcome the release and break from my own thoughts.. so if you really want to be me then be me! But if you don't think you can take it all then please stop trying so damned hard to do what I do.. I consider you a friend and that is all you can ever be in my life, nothing more nothing less, but if this continues the way it is now I feel that I will have to sever all contact with you so that I can be myself and get though my issues my own way!

I don't mean to sound mean here, I know some people need a role model to look up to, most of us have one, but generally it is to ask opinions or advice, not to place them on a pedastal where they cna do no wrong in our eyes. We are all human and we all make mistakes in life, I try to not make serious mistakes but sometimes they do come out that way so why would anyone want to be me? Why would anyone want to live the life I live with all that has happened to me in the past? To see the flashbacks that I see at night to feel the pain from the Abuse..

I watched a really good, but sad film the other day called ' After The Promise' it is the story of four young boys who are taken away from their father after their mother died.. these poor children were put in several foster homes and institutions for many years, where they were abused horrendously, the eldest child so badly beaten, with his leg broken, that he ended up with a permenant limp and had been steralised whilst in the intitution... there was nothing wrong with them when they were put into the system, they were healthy happy young boys who's only problem was that their mother had died!, And the pwers that be decided their father couldn't care for them properly.

The story paints a horrific tale of what these poor children endured at the hands of the so called proffessionals who were supposed to care for them! A decendant of these boys has begun to write her story of how the abuse affects not only those who initially suffer it but also the generation that follows.. she is determined to continue the story after her father (one of the boys) dies..The other three boys have already passed away.... and I commend her for that.. you can read some of her writings at; http://www.writingsisters.com/cathy/2006/11/rejouvination_116287782442593970.html#comments

It's a sad story to read and as a writer myself and a published poet I have offered my help to her in any way she needs it.. I hope she can get the second part of the story out there, somehow we have to make everyone realise, that it is not just the one person who suffers from Abuse that is affected by it, but their family, their friends and anyone who tries to understand and help them... Try and see if you can get this film to view, it made me cry as the boys were finally re-united with their father at the end, all four had different problems because of the abuse they endured but their father loved them and was adament that he would bring them all home as soon as he was able... he faught the system and thankfully he won in the end, but not before the damage was done! If you see the film let me know how it affects you!! I'm interested to know..