Thursday night..

Been a really weird day today, haven't felt like doing much at all but seem to have hardly sat still for long at all... got lots of things done that I have been putting of for what seems like an eternity.. so at least it has been a productive day..

Feeling low again today and just feel I need to be on my own, which to be fair I have been quite a lot today, my friend who stays with me isn't well with a really nasty head cold so has spent most of the day in bed... so I've been alone downstairs a lot by choice.. One of my sisters visited earlier today and I was surprised by some comments she made to me, usually she tells me 'things are in the past move on' 'don't let it control your life' etc... but today she actually admitted that she knows how hard it is to do that! she reminded me that she is here for me anytime I want her to be, all I need to do is shout! complete shock to the system I can tell you.. she said she knows I'm finding things tough right now with therapy and such and she wants to help? If I need to talk just call her...

This reaction is totally different from what I have had from her before, so I'm not really sure how to take it.. do I accept her help and try to talk to her about what I went through, or do I carry on as before trying to talk to my friend and therapist? My only wory about talking to my sister is that at some point I feel she may just revert back to the forget it move on mode and if I'm having a particularly tough time at that point it could set me back so much... but if I expect it, will I be able to cope with it? but be surprised when it happens? I just don't know what to do?

Therapy again tomorrow morning and I am going to try and talk about all the stuff tat is happening for me right now with the nightmares and flashbacks, I'm going to try and explain to Jane what they are about and see if I can find a better way to cope with them.. memories can be so damned painful eh! I HATE IT!!