Saturday Morning..

Woken up this morning by the phone ringing again.. seems to be that my daughter knows when I want to sleep late and is determined that I won't as she keeps calling me at early hours of the day, just because she is already up and at work she thinks I will be up as well... oh! well that's life isn't it?

Sitting at home last night watching Basic Instinct2.. had a nasty flashback halfway through the film.. all of a sudden I could see 'the stranger' (My second Abuser/Rapist) right in front of me, I couldn't breath something was round my throat and I was choking.. I felt pain... lots of pain in my stomach and thighs, then pain in my head as he hit me.. I was coughing so much I couldn't breath.. the pain was horrendous as he forced me to do things that I didn't want to do... I was crying begging him to stop, but he didn't.. he carried on as if his life depended on it.... then almost as suddenly as it had started I heard my friends voice telling me it was ok.. it isn't happening now.. I started to come out of it, feeling shaken and scared as the tears flowed... my friend made me a coffee to calm me down and gave me a hug... those hugs mean so much at these times... I'm glad she was there with me.. she asked me what had happened, what triggered it? but I wasn't sure at the time... now however I think it maybe was the sex scene in the film, it was pretty rough and not at all easy to watch.. so in future I will be careful if I watch that type of film again...

Feeling a bit vunerable this morning after that so intend to take it easy today.. may write more here later on...