Its now Monday 1st January 2007..

I spent New Years Eve last night with a good friend having a few drinks and a little fun, it made a nice change from being surrounded by people as I had been over the Christmas Holidays, don't get me wrong it was nice to have everyone here but by New Year I sure needed the rest..lol and after visisting all the January sales that are customary here in the UK.. We finally went to sleep about 2am and slept until 8.30am whereby we hit the sales once again.. more bargains bought and money spent.. but its over now until I get myself a job and a better income..

My son has returned home from visisting his father for a few days and I must admit its good to have him back, I had a bit of a weird experience today whilst going round the sales, we stopped to have lunch in a well known store, this old man who must have been about 70 sat nearby and kept staring at me, I thought it strange but ignored it as a whole.. as we left the restaurant he was still eating his meal but winked and smiled at me as we passed him.. I again ignored it, but as we walked round the store I noticed that he was nearby he seemed to be following us! We left the arcade and went to some shops outside and I put it out of my mind.. after about 2 hours in need of a drink we returned to the store cafe' its the only place where I can have a smoke with a coffee..lol.. we were there about 30 minutes or so, but as we left that same guy turned up again, again he followed us around the store, lurking in the ladies nightware department and hiding behind pillars ect... I wanted to ask him what he was doing and why he was following us, but my friend suggested we just leave.. feeling very shaken by this point I agreed and we headed to the car, I constantly felt as though I was being watched and just wanted to get out of there.. we headed to the car and headed for home.. I didn't see him again and now wish I had asked him what he was playing at! still we arrived home safely and that was that..

As we begin yet another year I have just sat here and watched a true movie about a Survivors search for truth. The movie is Called 'Searching for Angela Shelton' and stars Angela herself. It truely was an inspiation to watch as she journeyed across America looking for people with the same name as herself, during her search she finds many other Angela Sheltons, 70% of whom had been abused/raped or molested during their lives. Towards the end Angela confronts her father on fathers day! naturally he denies the abuse she suffered at his hands, whilst watching that part of the movie I cried.. I was so emotional as I knew, like all paedophiles he would deny it, they always do! Her father had a striking resemblance to my first step father, his size his approximate age so many things.. the tears flowed as I felt her pain at his denial. Why did he deny it? How could a child of five years old know what it was to 'jerk him off'? Does he think she is stupid? that she has false memories? he asked her to forget the past and move on! WTF! If he knew the pain he had caused to the daughter he claims to love, the daughter he hadn't seen for some 12 yrs.. would he have admitted his actions towards her? Somehow I doubt it..

I have had a few tough days over the holidays a few flashbacks have come up and memories of Christmas's Past, but I got through it all with the help of my Best friend.. who is here with me now. I hope she will always be here for me as I know I will be there for her come what may.

Thankyou my friend just for being you!