Friday Evening..

Today was therapy again, this time I actually admitted just how low I felt on tuesday night! OMG never thought I'd do that! But Jane was great, she understood completely how stressed I am right now with the imminent house move along with trying to deal with my past. She suggested a few relaxation techniques for me to try and reminded me that things will get better.

She asked me how it felt to be finally leaving this town? and I admitted I was glad to be going but said it would be very different from the last time I left here.

As a 16 year old I left this town with the clothes I stood up in and a small suitcase leaving most of my own possessions behind. It was very hard that time, no one knew we were leaving so I didn't get to say goodbye to my friends that I'd grown up with, My mum had decided we should leave on my birthday! By that time she had married this guy 'john' at a time when DON was back with his wife! John was a big drinker and often came home on a friday night worse for wear from drinking, but Mum put up with it, he had moved in with his 3 sons from previous marriages and there was just mum and me left at home, everyone else had moved out by this time. On my birthday John had written in my card 'Apples are ripe and ready for plucking, girls of sixteen are ready for fucking'... Mum went crazy! asked him what he meant by it and he replied that I was now old enough to really live life to the full! I think Mum decided that day that we should leave, so on monday morning as soon as John left for work, Mum woke me up and told me to get dressed, we were leaving! We packed the cases into the car and headed of to who knew where.... neither of us knew where we would end up that night.. as it turns out we headed north to an old friends mum... she was shocked to see us but welcomed us into her home.. then our journey around the country started until finally Mum called him (Don) and he came back.. we ended up moving back down south and renting a small apartment near where we used to live.. well in fact in the town that I'm now moving to next week!

Is history going to repeat itself? That town is where the worst of my childhood abuse happened, where I decided finally that enough was enough and I had to get out! and I did!.

For the move out of this town, this time I will be hiring a removal truck and taking everything with me! and Wow is there a lot of stuff! so far we have packed some 60 boxes of things from around the house and there is still more to do! We have to be ready to move it all by 9am next friday.. so I sure have my work cut out this next week ... we exchanged contracts this afternoon and its now official that I will be moving on friday 27th.. been a long time coming but thankfully the light is there at the end of the dark tunnel that I've been in these past few weeks!
Hopefully things will go smoothly from here on in, but I have to be prepared for the unexpected eh!

Jane asked me if it felt different this time and I had to admit yes it does.. of course.. this time its my choice to move and I have chosen where I'm moving to.. I am not running away from 'Abuse or threats of Abuse' I'm going because I want to go.. a big difference from last time eh! I may not get on here for the next week or so, but will maybe try to blog about how things are going during the week..