Thursday night..

This has been a very hard week, everything that could go wrong has gone wrong and I have been so stressed out with the house move and everything that on Tuesday night I actually beleived that I couldn't handle anymore!

I had spent a lot of the day in tears, crying for no apparent reason and by the evening it just got to much for me. I actually told my friend that I would jump of 'Beachy Head' a well known suicide point in the UK? I don't think I would have actually done it though, it was just that I had no fight left in me to carry on. Thankfully I didn't do anything stupid and am still here to tell the tale.

Its strange what stress and life can do to a person, one minute I am fine the next I feel I can't cope at all anymore? Why I have no idea at all. As a child or young adult I managed to live through all the 'Abuse' that came my way and coped with it as best I could, but now I am stronger and trying to deal with it all, on top of selling my house and trying to move away from here and it all gets to much for me? I found out on Tuesday morning that the house I grew up in has been sold at auction for £126,000 some poor sucker has money to throw away I guess and spent it on that hovel! I hope they are planning on demolishing it completely and starting afresh, because it has way to many bad memories for me and many others in this small town.
Time will tell eh!

It was confirmed today by my solicitor that we will exchange contracts on my new house tomorrow and complete, i.e. move in next friday (27th) fingers crossed eh! as long as the stress of it all doesn't get to me first I should make it. I really can't wait to get in there and see what I can do to the house apart from a new kitchen and bathroom.. it needs redecorating throughout... we'll get there eh!

Tomorrow is therapy once again and I am going to try and tell my therapist whats been going on this week, about how low I really got on tuesday evening, we'll see what she suggests I can do to help me cope better, the nightmares are back again as are the flashbacks and I am having major problems coping with them all.. I hope they settle down soon!