I've not been in here for a long time! things have been a bit crazy here, I have been really down this past week or so, mainly due to new memories coming forward and me struggling to work out whether I beleive it or not.

In a few I beleive that I'm just about 7 or 8 yrs old..which is quite scarey to think about.. I am wearing a dress that I know I wouldn't have worn when I was 14 or so.. its making me thing and feel that the sexual abuse started much earlier than I had at first beleived.. There's nothing I can do about it now though, he has already been convicted for the Abuse and served a menial prison sentence for it.. he got out after just four years and now 14yrs after he was sent down he's a free man again and I am still trying to come to terms with it all.. its just not fair!

I was never offered any help at the time of going to court, if I had been maybe my life now would be different? I'd have dealt with it all by now and be living my life as it should be lived, free from the nightmares and flashbacks... Why did no one offer us any help? the convicted paedophiles get help whilst in prison them come out believing that they are cured! but they're not! they CAN'T be cured! Whilst we get a lifetime sentence of pain and heartache as we deal with all the crap they put on us when we were so young..

As I have said before on this blog, I co run a Support group for Survivors and we've had a new member this week who is a child of just 11yr old, she is being abused NOW! She is so scared of her abuser finding out that she is telling me, its heartbreaking! I have no idea where this child is or how to find out, so all I can do is try to gain her trust and let her know I am there for her. In time hopefully she will let me know where she is so that I can get her some help and make sure she is safe once more.. Why are SOME MEN so damned EVIL that they beleive its ok to have sex with a minor? he told her he was teaching her how to 'be a woman' what the Fuck! its heartbreaking listening to her when she tells me what he is doing, and what happens when her mum goes out! She is terrified of him yet no one notices the changes in her? No one see's the heartache of a child so young and in so much pain! WHY NOT!! I sat talking to her yesterday in tears but couldn't let her see that, it so reminded me of myself at the same age, but I had no one to listen to me... thank god she had the courage to go on line and try to get some help... I hope it stops for her really soon....