Sunday afternoon... and I feel horrible..

I made a really big mistake last night and let something slip that my friend had told me in confidence.. the pain and hurt that caused her is just to much for me to bare right now. Don't get me wrong here it didn't happen deliberately, but it happened and my friend got hurt, something I would never do on purpose to her.. I haven't been able to sleep hardly because of what I did and doubt that I will ever forgive myself either..

The main problem here is that I did it in front of my daughter, and she can't keep a confidence at all, Its not something that could get anyone into trouble, its about something that has happened but my friend didn't want anyone to know yet! and I've ruined that by a slip of the tongue.. I feel so bad about it this morning that I have been trying to mend things by explaining, not sure if I've done enough though and not really sure if I ever could..

On top of that I've been down for a few days anyways, I have other things going on in my life that is causing me to be stressed out a bit, financial problems are setting in and I really need to find a job quickly.. I don't care what it is I just need to be earning money and earning it fast.. else I will end up in big trouble .... I don't want that to happen but the way its going its getting out of control and I have no idea how to stop it..

I sit here now thinking about things in the past that have hurt me and trying to figure out a way to sort them in my head, without much success at the moment.. I just don't seem able to find my way right now, feels like I have taken a wrong turning somewhere and trying to find my way back to my road of healing is seeming more and more impossible.. but I do know that I need to find it and find it quickly.. My MSN support group is suddenly very active and takes a lot of time to keep up with! am I burning the candle at both ends? will it result in a burn out as the flames meet in the middle? what do I do??

How can I find my road again? I seem to have put the lid back firmly in place and be trying to block out all that has happened to me because right now I just can't cope with it all. I can't cope with the pain the memories give me, I can't cope with the feelings of shame and embarrassement and I certainly can't cope with talking about any of it in detail not even with my best friend... I am so lost!!........... I don't know how to find my way back?