Well Its been over a week since I was last in here, Christmas has been and gone for another year thankfully.. It wasn't to bad to be honest, My daughter came down from London to spend the time with us (my Son and two good friends) so there were 5 of us all together.

It went well initially, Friday evening was spent just chatting and watching TV, on saturday we all went our various ways to get the last of our Christmas shopping and met up back at home by about 4pm.. we had a good evening watching TV and catching up.. Saturday was time for the last minute food shopping so off I went at 8am before the shops got to busy.. after spending what seemed like hours in the Supermarket and getting a bill for £149..!!! we headed home again hoping to just chill for the afternoon.. Christmas eve loomed and last minute wrapping was done by almost everyone, I popped out to take my friend over to her house to feed her kitten, whilst I was gone the others started to get everything ready for the big day itself.. When I got home we had arranged to go out for a pre christmas dinner at a local carvery restaurant.. so we all got in the car and went, we had a lovely meal of turkey and all the trimmings then went to look at some christmas lights that were nearby.

There is a street in Peacehaven where a lot of the residents light up the houses with lovely light displays, they sell goods and have raffles and lucky dips for the children to do, all the money raised goes to the local childrens hospital and it is well worth the visit.. the lights this year were amazing as usual. we headed for home about 9pm.. and settled down to watch a film.
My friend and children (24 and 18) went off to bed about 1am with the knowledge that I would most likely wake them all by about 7.30am..

See I love Christmas these days, my Christmas's as a child were nothing special at all, Mum used to do her best and try to get us all one good present each but she wasn't well off so it was generally nothing more than maybe a doll, or a truck for my brother along with fruit and if we were lucky a few sweets or something... my children on the other hand have always had the best I can give them, they both had bikes as kids, something I never had! they both had stereo's and TV's in their rooms... I work hard all year to try and give them a good christmas one which hopefully they will remember in years to come..

Most of the Christmas's that I remember as a child involve someone shouting, someone being hit, or just staying away from everyone upstairs in my room.... spending most of the holidays alone, trying to avoid trouble especially when he was around.

Now I love to have lots of people around me and see the happy faces as they open the gifts that I have chosen for them.. this year I think I did ok as no one looked unhappy at all.. we were up opening presents by 7.45am.. and continued to do so until they were all gone about 9.30am.. so as you can imagine we had rather a lot of presents under our tree.. The rest of the day went really well with everyone relaxed and in a good mood.. we all had a good dinner and the turkey was delicious... we stayed up that night till about 3am when we finally went to bed...

Boxing day we decided to hit the sales, getting up at 7.30am and arriving at the stores by 8.30am, to my dismay the main store that I wanted to go to didn't open its sale until 27th at 5am!. but many other stores were open and we filled the boot of my car with our bargains.. we had spent about £300 between us but got at least £500 worth of goods.. so a good time eh!

Boxing day night was when everything changed... We had a few drinks and as has happened before I decided it was time to say my bit to my daughter and one of my friends.. I can't really remember what started the conversation but it ended up being about people who talk about others behind their backs! my friends dad does this all the time, and tells my friend what he thinks of me, which she then repeats to me. I'm supposed to ignore it and say nothing but I have now had enough and pretty soon he will be getting a call from me! It is apparent from what she tells me, that he doesn't like me at all.. even after I rescued HIS Daughter from her abusive mother and took her into my home when he couldn't, the thanks I get for it? he discusses me behind my back and complains about one mistake I made when she lived here!
Am I never allowed to forget my mistakes? for christs sake we all make them including him! the self righteous git! But at every given opportunity he will slag me off, refuse to see or speak to me just because he is not man enough to tell me face to face what he thinks.. we I have had enough of people like that in my life, my ex husband was like that and still is regarding me, he apparently told my daughter that my past as she knows it is rubbish? wtf! he was married to me as we went through the court case he knows its all true! but my daughter chose to tell me this had been said by him when we had an arguement a few months back.. last night it all got brought back up again as she claimed to me that she gets hurt when I talk about her dad! She is 24yr old and it seems its ok for her to talk about me to him but not for me to do? double standards again.. I told her straight it was him who walked out on me, him who commmited adultery yet me who has the legal bills for £3,500 as he refused to give me a quick divorce, I asked her why would he do that? I wanted a divorce from him as by this time he was living with another woman, I'd done nothing wrong except care! her answer to that was 'why should he make it easy for you'? What the hell! he was the one in the wrong NOT ME!..

After last night I'm not sure if I ever want to see my daughter again, she is siding with her dad and totally disrespecting me at every given chance, she talks to me like I am nothing and I have had enough.. I'm going to wait and see how long it is until she calls me, to say thankyou for letting her stay here over christmas and even to say thankyou for her gifts, she still hasn't said thanks to me for any of it. Not that I want thanks, it was my pleasure to buy them for her but manners dictate that you at least express thanks and gratitude to anyone who buys you a gift. I've had enough and think from now on I will isolate myself, its far to upsetting and to much hard work to bother hearing what others think I should hear, especially when what they say is hurtful.. they just don't give a damn!.. well from now on neither do I!.. They can get stuffed..