I haven't written in here for a few days now.. not because there is nothing to write but purely because I have been so busy!

We have been battered by storms the last few days and I now have 5 fence panels down, which is going to make it much easier for my prowler/stalker to get into my back garden. Unfortunately I can't seem to get anyone out to fix if for at least a week! so Hopefully things will stay quiet for that time and maybe as the weather is so bad at night the prowler will decide to stay home himself? Wishful thinking eh?

I have been to therapy today as is usual on a friday, we talked briefly about whats been going on here and I told Jane that my best friend who stays with me has gone away for a few days, Jane asked me if this friend was a good support to me and I told her she is the best! I can talk to her about things going on in my life and she never judges me, but for some reason I still can't talk face to face with her about my issues? I have no idea why? I do know that if I have a drink then sometimes I can talk to her about things but not always.. I told Jane that my friend is the best friend I have ever had.. just because of the kind of person she is.. and its so true! I have never had a friend like her before and doubt I ever will again..

We then went on to talk briefly about things that have been happening for me recently with flashbacks and such.. Jane asked me what they were about and how I cope with them. I told her that recently they all seem to be about the stranger, I wake up gasping for air and feel like I am choking, I cough and cough.. then feel scared and shaky until I can calm myself down.. My friend is very good when this happens and is able to get me out of it quite quickly and re-assure me that I am safe.. as for coping with it? well I just have to don't I ? there's not much I can do as I start to remember details of exactly what that bastard did to me all those years ago.. the details are not nice at all so I won't write them here, but let me assure you that they would be enough to make everyone want to stop sex offenders in their tracks!

If it happened to your wife/ girlfriend/daughter even sister you would want the blood of the person responsible... but unfortunately when it happens to a child they are left to live with it, many beleiving that as they are just children they will forget! But I guarantee you they may seem to forget initially but as they mature and become adults it will all come back to them in every little detail just as it is for me right now! It's not a nice feeling knowing that I had to endure all that pain as a child and no one did anything to stop it? Its not nice knowing that when it happened again at the age of 19yr I was to scared to report it to the police because of the stories you hear about the police making the victim feel like they are being aped all over again, because of the questions they get asked! What should it matter what a girl/lady is wearing? It gives no one the right to rape or abuse them just because they wear a short skirt! It doesn't mean they are asking for it.. it just mean that the person is comfortable wearing tose clothes, if a man wears shorts does that mean he wants to be raped? No of course not so why should it matter what we wear? The questions asked by police of the victim are so personal, you get asked when you last had sex voluntarily as it may interfere with dna if it was recent, you get asked about your personal sex life how regular etc.. To the victim of a Rape a totally ignorant question all they want to know is that the police beleive them and will do all they can to catch the person responsible, but because of the way these things are handled many victms do not report at all! there are thousands of rapes and sexual assaults happening everyday that never get reported partly because of the police attitude and partly because the victim feels shame and embarrassement and some because the victim is told by the rapist that if she tells something will happen to her, something bad! so she is to scared to report it! That just isn't fair.. I myself was to scared to report my childhood abuse until I was 32yr old? Why I hear you ask? Because I didn't think anyone would beleive me and because until that time the man responsible was still living with my mum and he had threatened that she would die if I told! I didn't know for sure if he was serious or not, but I wasn't going to take a chance with my mum's life just in case....

Sorry got on my soap box again here... I could write so much right now as the anger of it all is starting to surface with me.. and it makes me want to shout from the rooftops that THIS HAS TO STOP! PHAEDOPHILES HAVE TO BE REPORTED AND DEALT WITH BY LAW IN A SUFFICIENT MANNER THAT THE VICTIMS FEEL JUSTICE IS DONE! WHICH IT ISN'T AT THIS TIME!