Woken up again today by the phone ringing.. this time it wasn't my daughter but my sister! I really do not understand what is going on lately.. whenever I have poblems of my own to deal with everyone seems to want a piece of me as well, it's doing my head in!

Last night was one of the worst nights I have had in a long time, after having a nasty flashback in the afternoon I was just sitting on my sofa watching TV when the phone rang..
I did not expect what I heard down the line.. as soon as I answered I was told by a young male voice 'How much do you charge for doggy fashion? I've heard your good in bed'! What the fuck! I was naturally shaken up by this call and told the caller in no uncertain terms to 'fuck off' and hung up.. my friend decided to call back and try to find out who it was, they had not withheld their number.. I made a few enquiries of my own and determined who it was, then called the police and reported it..
The caller was the 15yr old boy that I used to care for as a foster carer! I quit back in August as it was way to stressfulfor me along with trying to deal with my own issues at the moment... I have to admit that I am gutted after caring for this kid for 2yrs that he could dis-respect me that much to make such a call to me! It left me very shaken and feeling horrible again.. as if having a stalker isn't bad enough, and having to contend with the prowler in my garden most nights.. this kid knew about that as it was going on when he was still here! So why this and why now?? I just don't understand what I have done to him to make him do this? I hope the police take this all the way and prosecute him for mallicious calls, maybe then he will learn for once that he is not above the law just because he is in care!

On top of that last night I had to try and deal with someone on msn messenger who was clearly drunk and making some very rash statements. It was pretty stressful to say the least and not what I needed after the day I'd had yesterday.. I finally managed to calm er down after about two hours of her saying she either has to drink or hurt herself to cope wih things right now! She is a survivor of abuse as well so I sort of understand where she is coming from, but don't understand why she also thinks I have all the answers to everything.. she was asking me how to stop cutting and drinking? I told her she needed to talk to her doctor and/or therapist to get the help she needs I can't do it for her, she as to want to do it herself else it won't work..

My sister this morning was asking me if I had a spare room she could stay in, in an emergency, her and the friend she lives with are continuously argueing and she feels she may need to get away for a few days or more, I know she is my sister and everything but to have her here would be a complete nightmare, she has lots of problems herself medically and mentally and I really don't know how I would cope with her here, she would not be able to get up the stairs to the toilet when she needed to as stairs are vitually impossible for her.. if I let her stay in the spare room she would be stuck up there all the time and would expect me to run around after her.. I just can't do it! I know she is my sister and such but why is it that everyone seems to think I have all the answers? I am the youngest of all the sisters but whenever they have a problem its me they seem to run to... I don't understand why as I'm nothing special at all.. I live quietly with my friend and son, whereby they all have their own partners... but they expect me to be able to solve their problems for them..

This morning is already looking like being another stressful day... if the start is anything to go by.. but once again I will have to try and put my own issues aside to be everyones public leaning post, so that they can all add more pressure to me just because they can't handle it themselves.. I actually told my sister this morning to stop acting like a child in a playground and to grow up! the arguements she is having with her friend are pathetic to say the least, all I got was she said .... I said .... very childish and they are both 45 plus! what the hell!

Why can't people act their age instead of their shoe size? I'm sick of it! they would have to deal with it all themselves if I wasn't around so why can't they now?? Maybe I should go away? dissappear for a while and see ow they cope when they can't get to me? maybe then they would realise the extra stress that they are putting on me right now and stop once and for all? But somehow I don't think it would make a difference I'd just get it all in bulk when I got back... so maybe I will just become a recluse and ignore them all!... Then at least I may stay sane myself and be able to do what I need to to get over my own issues.. I have been really down these past few days and just can't take anymore..