Thursday Morning..

Been a few days now since I wrote in here, and I have had a lot of thinking to do! As I mentioned in the last blog, the house where I suffered most of my Abuse is on the market for sale at Auction on April 5th, I have wanted to go back into that house for many years to see if my memories are true and correct, and I have now made an appointment to go in next Tuesday at 3pm. Its weird I left that house some 31 yrs ago, yet I can still remember the lay out, still tell you where the furniture was placed etc.. Its embedded in my mind as a traumatic time in my life so I have no idea how I will react stepping back through that front door? To admit to being scared would be an understatement, I am terrified of what will happen of how I will react etc, but I know its something I have to do to help me move on past that phase in my life.

Most of my dreams this past week have been about that house and what went on in there when I was growing up, not pleasant memories thats for sure. I am hoping that whilst in there I can hold it together and not show how I feel in front of other people that could be there at the same time. But I expect to have a bad night of memories and such afterwards. Hopefully I will get through it without to much upset, My good friend is coming with me on the day as is one of my sisters who will no doubt try to be strong for me, I just hope she is able to admit to herself how painful that trip down memory road will be for us both. I'll let you all know after we've been.

My house move is now coming along and I hope to be moving in about 5 weeks time, thankfully it can't come soon enough for me...lol I hate it in this house now and really don't feel safe here anymore so the sooner I get out the better I will feel. Prowlers and obscene phone calls do that to a person and its not nice being scared to answer the telephone all the time.. so by moving away I should be able to end that at least. Well tomorrow is therapy day again, no doubt going to be a hard one as we start to really talk about the abuse in detail, if I can, but I know I need to and will do my best as its the only way forward for a Survivor! I know it will be painful and upsetting to do but needs must eh!.